This weekend, specially today it's been very difficult to me. Not because I have pain or because I am ill, just because I am feeling all the unwanted or better said unplanned changes I am experiencing in my life. I can honestly say that the most brutal part of cancer is not the surgery or the recovery (at least for me- I haven't have radiation yet so who knows by then I might change this statement), it is the unexpected changes in your life. Life changes in a blink of an eye in every aspect. In my case, I am a very active person and not been able to workout, go to my tri meetings, go to the gym, change in job positions (from flying everywhere to been on a desk monday through friday) is been life changing. I don't want to come accross like I am not thankful of how well I am doing and how thankful I am for been able to recover from this and eventually do all those things I love. I am grateful, thankful and understand that this is temporary, however we all need to underastand that unwanted change is not always for good or easy to comprehend. I didn't asked for this changes or wanted them...I was handed them. I must strive to remain strong in handeling the changes and knowing I will soon will be joining all the things I love to do.
The other night, I hanged with some friends for Lisa's birthday gathering. While at the Wine House (yeap--I cheated and had 1/2 glass of white) Lisa mentioned to the group if they all knew what I was going through and they all extended their support to me. But Lisa said the smartest statement I heard so far, she said to me: " Michelle you know is ok to cry, scream and have days that you are just pissed at the world right? Because I know that underneath all that tough attitude you will have those days and we want you to know that you can have them and we will be here to support you"....Amen to that because that is exactly what I feel today....Thansk Lisa for allowing me to be mad once in a while, it acually helped today to let go.
TTYL,
Michelle
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