Sunday, September 26, 2010

By far the most difficult day yet....

This weekend, specially today it's been very difficult to me. Not because I have pain or because I am ill, just because I am feeling all the unwanted or better said unplanned changes I am experiencing in my life.  I can  honestly say that the most brutal part of cancer is not the surgery or the recovery (at least for me- I haven't have radiation yet so who knows by then I might change this statement), it is the unexpected changes in your life. Life changes in a blink of an eye in every aspect. In my case, I am a very active person and not been able to workout, go to my tri meetings, go to the gym, change in job positions (from flying everywhere to been on a desk monday through friday) is been life changing. I don't want to come accross like I am not thankful of how well I am doing and how thankful I am for been able to recover from this and eventually do all those things I love. I am grateful, thankful and understand that this is temporary, however we all need to underastand that unwanted change is not always for good or easy to comprehend. I didn't asked for this changes or wanted them...I was handed them.  I must strive to remain strong in handeling the changes and knowing I will soon will be joining all the things I love to do.

The other night, I hanged with some friends for Lisa's birthday gathering. While at the Wine House (yeap--I cheated and had 1/2 glass of white) Lisa mentioned to the group if they all knew what I was going through and they all extended their support to me. But Lisa said the smartest statement I heard so far, she said to me: " Michelle you know is ok to cry, scream and have days that you are just pissed at the world right? Because I know that underneath all that tough attitude you will have those days and we want you to know that you can have them and we will be here to support you"....Amen to that because that is exactly what I feel today....Thansk Lisa for allowing me to be mad once in a while, it acually helped today to let go.

TTYL,

Michelle

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Endorphin Withdrawal!

Just when I am feeling super better from Cancer surgery, I injure my back! Ohhh and in the most stupid way. I was sleeping and was having a bad dream when all of the sudden I jolted out of bed twisting my back. As of now, I am in bed with heat and aleve. I got really anoyed by this as I was to go on my first power walk in almost a month with some of my friends. So, I can't workout now until I get better.

I can't wait to start my workouts. I am having an endorphin withdrawal! You know what Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) says: "exercise give you endorphins....endorphins make you happy...happy people don't kill their husbands ". I am in need of my endorphins ASAP! I guess I have to wait a little more for those as now I have to wait until I get better from my back. Stay tuned....soon I will start working out!

TTYL,

Michelle

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

and just did my first workout after surgery :)

Today went to YMCA and did my frist workout after surgery. It's been almost 3 weeks in which I haven't exercise and believe me I was feeling the difference. Of course, my doctor hasn't clear me to exercise but yes to power walk so I headed to the YMCA and did a 40 minute power walk and 10 minutes on a 7 climb angle. It felt so good, but I caught the competitive me wanting to race the person next to me who was running on the treadmill. It was a dangerous moment, I felt like saying...."I can run dude, I just had surgery two weeks ago...see ya in two more weeks and then we can chat about me running next to you"...lol I was able to control myself as I didn't want to end up in the hospital for not following the rules.

I am planning on a spinning class tomorrow...just to spin not to get crazy. Well, I guess I am slowly getting my Tri and Marathon grove on. It's like starting all over again, but I don't mind of that means that I beat cancer and I am ready to get it on again.

TTYL,

Michelle

Monday, September 20, 2010

back to work....

After just 12 days after surgery, I am back at work.  Today I felt like a little girl on her way to the playground. I am back to my work but not as a Flight Attendant. My doctor thinks is too fast for me to return to the skies and that a work on the ground was better for me for a few months. At my current employer, I have been a flight attendant for 7 years. 4 of those spent as a Flight Attendant Instructor at our corporate university. When I got the news about the cancer and how it was not going to be good for me to fly I felt a little overwhelmed. If I was not going to be able to fly that meant that I will have to be out on disability which only pays 60% of my salary. 60% doesn't cover much out of all my bills. I am single and recently purchased a house, I was living my worst nightmare all over. How was I going to pay for my new house and bills with only disability pay?

The leaders at my airline offered me to come back on special assignment to our corporate university as an Adjunct Instructor. Can I say lucky? I am sooooooo lucky that I have so many people by my side helping me in so many ways. They didn't need to do that, I should have been on disabilty if I wouldn't find another position on the ground to make my money while I was recovering from all this. See, the FAA requires that you must be able to perform all your safety related duties without limitation and the use of certain medications/drugs in order to be in the air. I guess that when you do a good job, perform as expected and leave in good standings the doors will always open up for you. They did open up for me and in a time of need. I will be forever thankful for all of you who support me. Thanks Blue!

Now off to bed as I need to be at my best so doors will keep opening for me :)

TTYL,
Michelle

Saturday, September 18, 2010

When you can't beat them, just join them in the game!

Today was a great day. Even thou it caused me to feel a little sad at one point, I was very happy to be where I was and realized I am lucky to be able to be there again soon. I woke up at 0600 on this Saturday morning to support all my fellow Team Vortex members at the Roy McConnell Mango Triathlon. This race had such a meaning to all of us at the Triathlon world. Even though I can't compete right now, I was there to cheer on friends and all other participants. Just because I can't doesn't mean I wont join them, I actually need to be there so I don't let go the joy that Triathlon gives me. 

This Triathlon was in the memory of Roy McConnell, a well known Triathlete and community leader. Roy and his 3 sons were killed in a car accident on their way back from the movies by a drunk driver just 3 weeks ago. The Tri community lost a great person, competitor and a friend. I didn't know Roy, however been at the Roy McConnell Triathlon today made me realize so many things. Listening to all the words that people have to say about Roy, how dedicated he was to his family friends and community I knew how special he was. Listening to his family talk about him and the legacy he is leaving behind makes the toughest person cry and to see how the Triathlon community has come together to help his family cope with their loss makes me a very proud member of this sport.

Unlike Roy and his 3 sons, I am a very lucky person. I will be able to Tri again and to have a normal life once my treatment is over. Looking at his picture frame at the awards ceremony I said "Im lucky to be here today and I will always remember that" somethings don't make sense and his death is one of them.

On a good note, I was able to see my team members win some serious bling bling. I was jelous, I won't lie. I wish that was me but I did enjoy seing all of them kick some butt. Special congratulations to Allison....you have come a long way and hope you know how wonderful you are. Keep it up!

Thank you lord for giving me the strenght to tackle this illness with bravery and thank you for letting me be able to live more so I can enjoy more Roy McConnell Mango Triathlons to come.

TTYL,

Michelle

Friday, September 17, 2010

Cancer kick in the @ss!

Finally the tape on my neck is gone. Like the Lionel Richie songs says "OHHHHH what a feeeling, when we are dancing on the ceiling".... I feel good, a little scared trying not to injure the neck ya know. Trying to prevent a kiloid scar to grow on my neck. But boy am I happy to take a normal shower after 9 days! Yeap, the little things we take for granted in life ha.

Got the pathology results and in deed is CANCER! Stage 1. But , I am so happy because my endo order a full thyroidectomy. The cancer was spreading already to the other side of my thyroid.  If I wouldn't remove it all, I would have to undergo another suregery to remove the rest. I am glad that is over. It's all out and I am ready to radiate my body to kill whatever is left. The good news is that no lymph nodes were affected and I am very positive with the outcome so far.

Today, to celebrate I made Red Velvet cupcakes! I wanted to feel free...a liitle Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray with a little of Paula Dean in it. Yay! Viva La Cupcake! I am bring them over tomorrow to a Triathlon my team is participating, I want to support them and to not let go of my passion. Even thou I can particpate, I will be there enjoy and celebrating with all their triump and mine aswell.

TTYL,

Michelle

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Can't believe it's been a week since I divorce the Thyroid Gland

A week after surgery (this is day 7)
A week has passed since my thyroid gland was removed, so far the divorce was a good choice (I think). Besides a headache here and a headache there, getting tired fast and still coughing crap...I am doing great!!!! Friday I will go to a follow up with surgeon to also getting my stiches removed. Can't wait for this as they are starting to itch like crazy.

What a week it was. I am finally on my way to hopefully be a cancer free person. I just honestly wait to get my life back to normal. I am missing my running, my bike rides and swims at lake. :( I am also here fighting the fact that I keep thinking I am going to gain weight. This thought just terrifies me. It can happen while my medication gets adjusted, maybe they will hit on the spot from the get go with the right dose or have to start playing with the dose until making it right for me. I will have to be patient and strong. I said this week I will eat to make me strong while I recuperate, starting monday it's all about eating healthy and maintaing my regular physical regimen that has kept me in ultimate shape for a few years. I know I can do it, it just will be difficult and will need dedication on my behalf.

I also would like to mentioned a few people that played a big part in my recovery and they play a huge part in my life:

1. My mother- what would I do without you! You are always there for all my needs and the great thing about you is that you always put all of us first and then you, I think is about time for you to do something for you. You deserve it! I think I have a great idea.....Love you mom!
2. Donald Rhoads- You are the best man! You are definately not from planet earth. I am lucky to have you in my life. I cherish you and your friendship as much as I cherish chocolate, life and triathlons xoxo
3. Melanie- No matter what you have always been there for me. I love you and thank you for being like a sister to me.
4. Dad and Stepmom- I was able to see the true you once you found out I was having cancer. I know you love us more than anything...I see it and feel it. Mom your faith shows, your prayers were with me always. Love you both.
5. All my sieblings and amazing friends- Thanks for being there for me ....love you all.

I am thankful for my life, I will enjoy it and live it to the fullest everyday.

I am strong, I LIVESTRONG!

TTYL,

Michelle

Monday, September 13, 2010

Not feeling so good today!

I think I went a little out of control yesterday and I am paying the price today...I am very tired, sluggish and with no energy! Have a horrible headache and the fact that I don't even know when will I ever see money coming my way makes me crinch! I can wait to have my stiches removed and be able to move normally! Sorry, not a good day today but still very positive of things to come....HOPEFULLY!!!!! I need normalcy

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Horny Juice for surgery and VICO what???..lol

Well this is day 5 of my Thyrodectomy (removal of my thyroid gland) and after days of bed, bed, bed and more bed I said...ENOUGH!!!! If you know me well, you know how active I am. I live everyday doing some kind of activity, exercise or been out and about. Bed is just where I sleep. I refuse to spend more than the required 8 hours of sleep in a bedroom and in bed. So today I told my mother, grab your purse we are heading out! Still a little sore, this was the best thing I could have done. It actually helped me release some of the tension I had in my shoulders. This type of surgery can be very risky. Where you will get cut, that is exactly where vocal cords and nerves of your face are located. One little wrong move out of the area supposed to cut, my voice could have changed forerver and also so droppyness could have occured if a nerve results in damage. I was a very lucky person. The group of doctors performing my surgery was amazing. They are all board certified plus I had 2 medical students aswell. Part of the team was a Neuro Physiologist, this man was in charged of making sure my surgeon would not touch the nerves and vocal cords. They do this by inserting two needles through both of my shoulders blades and those help doctors know exactly where to cut and avoid damage. That is the reason my shoulders are so sore. I am happy to say that surgery was a success and no damage was done to my vocal cords or my face nerves.

Surgery was 3 hours long. They gave me the usual fuuny juice before heading down the infamous road to the surgery room. You see, I always react with the "I can't stop laughing" reaction when they give me the juice...no differenc this time! I was laughing and  so the doctors and nurses too. God knows what came out of my mouth. If I take seriously what my nurse said to me after surgery...I am screwed. She said they call it the "Horny Juice", she said most people just become horny all of the sudden. The tought of it makes me run and crinch! Ohh well, I guess I am not the only one who have asked a doctor out on the surgery room...lol

I was also introduced to the name Vicodin! I can't honestly say how much I hate that name. I was forced to take one at one point for pain killer and after that I can honestly and thruthfully say I didn't take any other one of those for the rest of my recovery. I spent all these days holding on to the pain and discomfort. I don't believe in those drugs....Tylenol is fine for me! I know they are needed for severe cases, I didn't find min eto be that severe, I thought that the side effects of it are more damaging than the actual good they can do for you. I had a little fight with the nurse about vicodin and I won! I"ll take the pain anytime...

Still in recovery but doing so much better now! Will keep you all posted...in the mean time...enjoy everyday like it is your last one :)

TTYL,

Michelle

Saturday, September 11, 2010

In Recovery!

Well...I am at home. In recovery from my surgery and all I can say is that this is not an easy surgery. It's just very uncomfortable. Having my throat slashed and been  able to eat, cough is been a nightmare. Hopefully by next week Ill be so much better. I can't type that much because this position hurts but as soon as I am able to keep up with my blog I will....Thanks for following and see you all soon

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A massage before the surgery!

Ohhhh yeah....that is what I just did. A massage before my surgery tomorrow. I need to relax and enjoy my last day before my battle begins. Tomorrow is the big day, tomorrow I am divorcing my thyroid gland. You see this is like Tiger Woods and Elin divorce....required and amicable! She (my thyroid and yes she is female..at least for me..lol)  is been causing so much damage in my body (Cancer a.k.a Tiger) that I need to let it go (Elin). I knew we can all relate somehow to that circus of Tiger's life. I got my anology of it and I like it ;-)

Getting ready...means I had chinese for lunch (God knows when I"ll eat that again), had my morning coffee and ready for round two, God knows when I will enjoy that again :( Ughhhh...I'll miss my coffee! So stand back when I am out of hospital because I will be going through DETOX! from coffee that is.

Now to make my little bag with things I need for my overnight stay at the hospital..but the good thing is I have a Masters Degree on Packing...I am a Stewardess (Flight Attendant) after all! This will be a brezze.

In a little I will pick up mom from Airport...it's babysitting time for her. I am happy she is coming to help. Well take care you all, I will write as soon as I can and update the outings of my surgery. Prayers please! I need them. Love

Michelle

Monday, September 6, 2010

42" of gratitude!

Well today is labor day and another day closer to my surgery. I once again try to keep my mind busy so I got up and went shopping for a matress set for my mother as she is coming to Orlando to help me during surgery.  After getting that all set I went around looking for some bed heets and some other stuff I still need. Then my good and dear friend Don call me to see what I was up and I offered to pick him up from the Tire place while his car was fixed. While driving around he said he wanted to stop by at Target to look at TV's. I asked why, he recently bought a new TV. He said "well you mentioned that you want to get a new bigger TV (mine was 13") because you might be spending too much time in bed and I want to get it for you...it's either we go get it now or you were going to have it in your bedroom when you get back from the hospital (he has a set of keys to my house)" I was in awe. I am still in awe. You see Don and I dated for a while (that's how we actually met and built our relationship) Along the way we realize that we are just amazing good friends. He has done many things for me and I have done many things for him aswell. Our situation is very similar, no family members in FL, we work a lot and we have a passion for sports. We are inseparable and we care for each other. His family is amazing and still treat me like Im part of their family and my family feels the same about him.

Don gave me today a great present...he bought me a 42" Plasma TV for my room so I can watch TV while I am sick fighting my little cancer. I can not honestly say how much I love Don, not because the TV he purchased for me but because he is the most amazing human being I have met. He is humble and very giving of love and when you need him he is always there. He is a true friend. Thanks Don for all you do for me. You are God's blessing to me...you are my little angel. :)

TTYL,

Michelle

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A day at the beach.....

Well Sunday before labor day weekend. My friend Don invited me to go to Cocoa Beach in FL. We did the 45 minute ride there and what a beautiful day it was at the beach. Sunny, warm and nice looking water (kind of weird in east coast of FL) It was relaxing just to sit and watch the "Surfers". You see they go walking around with their big surf boards like they are ready to catch a wave from the movie The North Shore in Oahu!..lol.. Have you seen those waves at Cocoa? They are baby waves...lmao. You want waves go to Rincon PR...then we are talking.

I am glad Don suggested the beach to relax a bit,  since yesterday I have been having this joint pain that doesn't go away. It's a feeling like the one you get when you are ready to catch the flu, that body (joint pain) that comes with it. It makes my arms so weak. I am not sure if this is part of the deal, but I remember having this symptoms in the past thinking always I was catching something and nothing coming out. So I guess they might be part of the cancer.

Im getting nervous by the minute..3 more days and Im at surgery hoping this haven't spread other places and I will be cured for good. Please, keep your prayers up because I do need them .

TTYL,

Michelle

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Red Velvet Cupcake....all you need for a good smile after a no so good day!

Happy Labor Day weekend you all . I guess as surgery gets closer, Im getting more nervous. The interesting thing is the more I read about thyroid cancer the more I learn that I had symptoms long time ago but everytime I will go to the doctor they diagnosed me with something else. I always had a scratchy throat ( a symptom of thyroid cancer) but was always told that it was post nasal drip. I had multiple joint pain, but because I am a triathlete not only me but my doctors (even thou they couldn't find anything in multiple MRI's and Scans) thought the pain was just stress I put on my joints from all the running, biking, weight lifting. Neck pain??? Yeap..I had that too. But it was more noticeable when I went swimming and after a swim, so one more time I relate it to bad swimming techniques. I never thought I was having symptoms of something more serious. Don't get me wrong, I did got check by doctors and was told multiple times I was turining hypocondriac and it was all in my head. In my head????? Well I guess I was filling my head up so much that the truth finally came out.

I was being treated by an endocrinologist because I did know I had Hypothyroidism. I was on treatment for Hypo for more than two years with this doctor and we didn't see eye to eye. Everytime I will go to her office she will not take my complaints seriously. She kept saying that I was fine, that my levels were normal with the amount of Levothyroxine I was taking and that one more time all the symptoms and my weight gain was for not eating properly. This is when I fired her!!!!! I compete in Triathlons and train more than a total of 10 hours a week burning a great amount of calories plus I am a very healthy eater. My diet consist of all whole grains, fruits, veggies and lean meats!!! I don't eat junk food plus I eat 6 times a day. Really?? Not eating properly ha????That's when I switch to my new endo, my previous endo never sent my file to my new one even thou it was requested. That is when my new doctor decided to do all the labs, test and utrasounds needed. This is when we discovered the cancer. If I wouldn't switch doctor I probably would have died from cancer. I love my new endo, he sits with me takes time to answer all my questions. This man saved my life, at least he is helping me have a longer one. My advised to you all is that you know your body more than anyone, so if you don't feel good look for another opinion and look for a doctor that takes medicine seriously and is not there for your money but to help you get better.

So today I read the low iodine diet I must do once I am ready for Radiation and it's very restrictive. So I called my girl Arlene and we went on a Red Velvet Cupcake endulgence! It's my favorite and I won't be able to eat it once I am on the diet....so give me a Red Velvet Cupcake, it makes me smile and feel good :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Tik Tok Tik Tok!!!

What a great day it is today. The sun was shinning with so much power. I can already feel the difference in the sun. It's that time of the year when the sun feels and looks like fall is just around the corner and it is. This time of the year the sky looks so blue, soft blue with a light difference...it's hot but with a difference in the way you feel the heat. Well, you must be saying "What that heck is she talking about?" I know what I am saying is just hard to describe when you just need to see it and feel it. It's and feels GREAT.

As much as I would have loved to go to the beach today, instead I was at Florida Hospital Celebration doing my pre-admission for my surgery this upcoming wednesday. Little I knew all the testing that I was about to get done. First the paperwork, then drawing of blood, the collection of my precious gold liquid and little I knew x-rays of my chest.  When I was sent to the nurse station to get all the test needed there was something that caught my attention. I was waiting in this small room full of supplies for tests, very quiet with the exception of this round clock hanging from the wall. There was this very loud "tik tok tik tok" counting every second I waited for the nurse. I kind fo relate to it very fast, I felt like I was in the middle of a countdown for something and then I realize I was. That clock was telling me my worries will soon come to an end, that in a couple of more days I will remove all this bad tissue and start a new life without my thyroid gland. It reminded me again, I am lucky to know that this was caught early and that I with the help of medication and treatment will be able to continue a "normal" life. You see, others are not that lucky. Even thou I still have to wait to see if I need the radiation and to know if the cancer has metastize (probably spelled wrong) to other organs and lymph nodes (that is the reason for the chest x-ray) I am so positive and looking forward to stop that clock countdown. I want a silent clock, one that will not let me know minutes are passing but endless minutes to come.

Last night while watching videos of Ironman races, I learn a new phrase said by a two time Ironman Champion from Australia. He said "You must learn to be comfortable when being uncomfortable" We was refering to the recommendation he gives to everyone participating in an Ironman race. This was one of his recommendation and I rapidly applied it to my new life if I ever want to pursue this dream. I will learn to be comfortable while being uncomfortable...... :)

TTYL,

Michelle

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Sarah Reinertsen - Ironman - Don't say you can't ...

IronWill

Te-KILL- A Cancer the Mexican Way!

Today was a great day. I've been having some questions when it comes to my surgery next wednesday, so I made an appointment with Doctor Tanton (My Endocrinologist). The nurse practicioner answer all my questions, plus Dr. Tanton wanted to say hi before I headed out Te-Kill-A Cancer the Mexican way. Dr. Tanton asked me why I was so worried about? I said ..."you are a Triathlete yourself so you know why I am worried, I need to know if I will have the energy to endure my Training and my Triathlons, I need to know if I will gain weight to the point I won't be able to perform"...Dr. Tanton answers with a simple " I did a few Tri's and a Half Ironman and I think that was the last one too..I should not even consider myself a Triathlete..lol..but I know why you asked..it's your passion and you want to make sure you will be able to do it". That is exactly my point and he gets it, I love that! But I couldn't leave before he knew that once you do a Triathlon no matter the distance...you are always a TRIATHLETE!!!

So after my wonderful meeting with him and his office staff I met my coach/ friend (Beth) and my friend Allison to a Team in Training Fund Raiser called Te-Kill-A Cancer. How ironic that I have been supporting  raisers for cancer and now I am a cancer fighter myself. Life is a box of chocolates...you never know what you are going to get, but if you are handed it you can handle it :) And I can and I will.  I will because I do have the will to get there, to go the distance! I want to be able to one day make the ultimate race..The Ironman. In the mean time I have to deal with the Kill a Cancer race first.

I am strong, I LIVESTRONG!

TTYL,

Michelle

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I bought you PJ's so you look fabulous at hospital.....

What a long day. Being back at the Training Department is a reminder of how my brain will be back at work full time. I am happy about that. I needed a new challenge..AGAIN!..lol Yes, I love challenges. For whatever reason, I always feel the need to challenge myself. I am ready for all challenges, especially the one on September 8, 2010. Let's get you out sweetie so I can get my groove back on!..Talking to my soon to be Ex-Thyroid here!..remember we are divorsing..lol (previous blog)

So my mom will be coming to help me for a few days, or to "help" me for a few days......nahhhh she will be of great help. It's hard when you are so independent to accept the help of others. There are 2 great individuals I met around January (Don and Bonnie) that made me realize that help is ok. You see, I am the kind of person that when you need something I am always there however do not help me..I am fine! Yeaap...not so much. We all need help at some point in our lives and it's perfectly fine and acceptable to say...I Need Help! Don and Bonnie helped me when I needed it the most and their lesson I still uphold it today. Ask, just ask or say I need you to help me today, tomorrow or a few days :)

So, since mom is helping me she called today and said "I bought you PJ's so you look fabulous at the hospital". I just started laughing when I hanged up. She also said to make sure the surgeon knows what he is going to do..my answer was that he definately knows more than me on the location of my butterfly shaped gland to be removed so I trust him like I have to trust the pilots flying my planes. The funny part is that I mentioned my friend Arlene what my mother said and she made me lauged. Arlene reminded me that now she understands where I get my fabulosity from. So true, I might be in the hospital with a surgery done but I will look fabulous no matter what...Thanks Mom! I will wear the fabulous PJ's so I can look pretty for my visitors :)...ohhhh and I am accepting your help as hard as it is for me to accept it. Thanks for being there for me :)